Just got back from my second StokerCon. Someone said they felt like this year they actually participated, and I completely understand. I did similar things this year that I did last year: moderated a panel, took pitches, sat in on readings, met new people. But I did all of that last year mildly terrified the entire time, and that feeling of I don’t belong here, in hindsight, obscured basically the entire trip, even though I had a tremendously good time.
I still had moments of being nervous and awkward and tired (apologies to everyone who saw me Saturday night on the verge of tears for a bit, I should have taken a break sooner). But the thing that really, truly made a difference, I think, is that I have spent the year since my first StokerCon doing my very best to participate in the community of lovely, weird, passionate folks I met. Jumping in with both feet and being involved in whatever ways I can has been so inspiring and transformative.
What does participation look like?
I’ve done outreach meetings with a couple of HWA chapters to talk about submissions. Told authors I love their work, and recommended a bunch of books to other people. I’ve subscribed to podcasts. Celebrated people’s wins and commiserated when things are tough. I’ve preordered SO many books (if you can’t preorder, shout about them so others can). I’ve attended bookish events in person and virtually. And this year, I felt like I was in this community rather than observing it cautiously as an outsider.
So when I walked into the StokerCon this year, it was with less trepidation and more excitement. People I spoke to last year remembered me, which was lovely. I made a point of introducing myself to some people I was too nervous to say hi to last year. Did my best to connect people who didn’t know each other if I had the chance. I had so many wonderful conversations with people about writing and editing and life and genre and what everyone is excited about.
I got to hold my book, and people told me they were excited about it (mind-blowing). Had an author tell me I was intimidating (complimentary). Another tell me I was a “shining beam of light” which I will hold onto forever. I got to meet some absolute legends who were all incredibly gracious and wonderful. Listened to readings that made me laugh then cry. I got to stay up too late and end up on ridiculous adventures that will become bonding experiences.
So my advice to people who are thinking about attending: it’s great to get exciting new books and have authors sign your copies and dress up for horror prom. But in my opinion the best way to have an amazing time is to participate. Go to a reading by an author you don’t know. Buy an indie book or three. Talk to podcasters and editors and booksellers and librarians and other first-timers. Follow people’s journeys throughout the year. If you come to these events and find your people, whoever they might be, you will have an amazing time.
There’s one thing to remember, though.
Here’s my one big caveat to all of this. Yes, it’s an industry event and lots of people are here networking. But lots of folks are also here to meet up with their friends who they maybe haven’t seen in a year, and they are trying to protect their peace a little bit, and maybe they have a bunch of stuff going on personally and professionally you don’t know about. So you have to respect the boundaries they put in place. Not everyone is going to be receptive to you if you are thinking about approaching with a transactional mindset.
Folks can tell when you’re scanning the room so you can stride over to the most “famous” or influential person and become friends so they’ll help you sell your book. (If you’re scanning the room as a highly anxious person who doesn’t like having their back to people, though, welcome to the club.) If you’re expecting an agent or editor to be fine with you just coming over to pitch when they’re in the middle of a conversation, you should also be expecting a no.
So if you have the chance and the privilege (monetarily and otherwise) to attend StokerCon, I would recommend it! It’s been hugely inspiring and rewarding for me. But then take that inspiration and help grow the community in a meaningful, kind, pay-it-forward way. It’s worth it to invest in the community. Even if it takes a while, even if things can always be better, even if parts of it can be opaque and difficult and frustrating. We can make it better.